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SAHM

Haley was in a terrible mood yesterday, from the moment she got up she was fussy.  Nothing seemed to make her happy.  

Today (so far) she is all smiles and giggles.  I think today is going to be a good day.  

So as school is about to start, the true weight of my decision to be a SAHM is setting in.  I went and visited one of my best friend's classrooms.  It's beautiful.  The bulletin boards, the new pens, the textbooks...all of it.  It was everything I had been dreaming of since I decided I wanted to be a teacher in 3rd grade.  I realized everything I had came to loath about teaching during my year of student teaching, I now missed.  

I traded bulletin boards and new pens for dirty diapers and a breast pump.  I waited for the secret regret and remorse to smoother me.  I waited for the green monster to creep in.  Nothing.  All I felt was joy for my best friend.  Excitement for her new adventure.  Eagerness to hear all about her students.  

Then I realized, I am truly at peace with my decision to be a SAHM.  That life, the one I had prepared for with 4 years of college, is still in my future, just not in the near future.  Until then, I get to raise my child(ren) the way I imagined.  I am irreplaceable in her life, and I refuse to believe that some random daycare could ever replace me in my child's life.  I don't want to miss a single smile or a single giggle.  I don't want to miss a single tear or a single whimper.  Someday, she will grow up, and not need me as much anymore, and when that day comes, I have a career waiting for me.  Until then, when I need a break--I know who I will call to get a small piece of the life I sacrificed.  

It's funny...that word "sacrifice".  Before Haley arrived, I knew the things I would have to sacrifice.  But now, those things don't even seem like a sacrifice.  The trade off is worth it.  

Well, it is time for me to get ready for the day.  Chances are, the next week or so, you will not be hearing from me via blog.  I haven't disappeared, it is just time for a break.  And when I return to the blogging word, I'm sure I'll have tons to share.

Until next time.....

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