Sometimes it is hard to admit when things are not perfect...
15 weeks ago, I became a mother. About a year ago, I found out I was pregnant. From that moment, I wanted to be the perfect mother. I read...a lot. Google became my best friend and worst enemy. I wanted to do things right. I took classes and became educated. I decided to breastfeed and be a stay-at-home mom. And for every excuse you can give me against those things, I can give you 5 better reasons or stastics for them. I became...confident.
After Haley was born, only 15 weeks ago, I was determined to be the perfect mother. I never wanted to admit that I felt that I was in over my head or that I was overwhelmed. But I was. Sometimes I would slip and admit that she was fussy or high-maintenance. But I never wanted to cue in too much that she was a difficult baby. In my head I had decided...
fussy baby = bad mom
I am not sure why I created this association in my head, but I always made her crying about me. I always made her crying...personal. Perhaps it is a hint of immaturity still lingering within me. Meanwhile, I was missing clues.
I cringed when people (*cough* my mom *cough*) close to me pointed out the hints that I refused to see....I took them as criticism. It was about me. I was a bad mom. I wasn't perfect. And neither was my child. So I shut down and didn't want to hear it.
She sure spits up a lot.
She fights sleep like I have never seen.
Did she just projectile spit up?
Why does she cough when she eats.
She sure hiccups a lot.
Why does she gag when she eats.
And the list goes on.....
It wasn't horrible. But something just didn't seem right.
The silent struggle inside me started from the very beginning. Breastfeeding was not as easy as it should have been. She wanted to eat little, but often. She was fussy more than not. And NEVER wanted to nap. I tried lots of different things. I bought books and changed her routine. I went to strictly pumping and bottle feeding. I was constantly changing things to try to keep her happy. I even tried introducing rice cereal at 3 1/2 months because I thought her fussiness was due to hunger.
Now I decided to go back to strictly breastfeeding (except for the occasional bottle). That is when it became evident that something was not right.
Acid Reflux. I am not a doctor, but this is my diagnosis.
Here are the symptoms:
Irritability when feeding--Check
Refusing food or eating only small amounts--Check (She was always a cluster feeder)
Sudden or constant crying--Check, (I always said she goes from zero to a hundred with her crying)
Arching the back while feeding--Check (Does this with breastfeeding)
Frequent hiccups--Check
Wet burps--Check
Frequent coughing--Check (Only when eating though)
Poor sleep habits--Check (Doesn't nap for very long, wakes up screaming for no apparent reason, but does sleep through the night)
Bad Breath--Check (But doesn't most babies??)
Wants to be help upright--Check
Gas--Check
All signs are pointing to reflux. I noticed she was happiest when taking a bath, in her mobi carrier, or in her car seat in a stroller. All of which she is in an upright position, which would help with reflux..
Luckily she is gaining weight like a champ. But I can't believe it took me 3 months to figure this all out and I can't believe I ignored all the signs and helpful hints for so long.
I read that most infants grow out of it by 7 or 8 months. I am going to discuss all of this with the doc and see what he thinks, but until then I'll try some non-medical things suggested.
Ugh, being a mom is such a humbling experience.
Until next time...
15 weeks ago, I became a mother. About a year ago, I found out I was pregnant. From that moment, I wanted to be the perfect mother. I read...a lot. Google became my best friend and worst enemy. I wanted to do things right. I took classes and became educated. I decided to breastfeed and be a stay-at-home mom. And for every excuse you can give me against those things, I can give you 5 better reasons or stastics for them. I became...confident.
After Haley was born, only 15 weeks ago, I was determined to be the perfect mother. I never wanted to admit that I felt that I was in over my head or that I was overwhelmed. But I was. Sometimes I would slip and admit that she was fussy or high-maintenance. But I never wanted to cue in too much that she was a difficult baby. In my head I had decided...
fussy baby = bad mom
I am not sure why I created this association in my head, but I always made her crying about me. I always made her crying...personal. Perhaps it is a hint of immaturity still lingering within me. Meanwhile, I was missing clues.
I cringed when people (*cough* my mom *cough*) close to me pointed out the hints that I refused to see....I took them as criticism. It was about me. I was a bad mom. I wasn't perfect. And neither was my child. So I shut down and didn't want to hear it.
She sure spits up a lot.
She fights sleep like I have never seen.
Did she just projectile spit up?
Why does she cough when she eats.
She sure hiccups a lot.
Why does she gag when she eats.
And the list goes on.....
It wasn't horrible. But something just didn't seem right.
The silent struggle inside me started from the very beginning. Breastfeeding was not as easy as it should have been. She wanted to eat little, but often. She was fussy more than not. And NEVER wanted to nap. I tried lots of different things. I bought books and changed her routine. I went to strictly pumping and bottle feeding. I was constantly changing things to try to keep her happy. I even tried introducing rice cereal at 3 1/2 months because I thought her fussiness was due to hunger.
Now I decided to go back to strictly breastfeeding (except for the occasional bottle). That is when it became evident that something was not right.
Acid Reflux. I am not a doctor, but this is my diagnosis.
Here are the symptoms:
Irritability when feeding--Check
Refusing food or eating only small amounts--Check (She was always a cluster feeder)
Sudden or constant crying--Check, (I always said she goes from zero to a hundred with her crying)
Arching the back while feeding--Check (Does this with breastfeeding)
Frequent hiccups--Check
Wet burps--Check
Frequent coughing--Check (Only when eating though)
Poor sleep habits--Check (Doesn't nap for very long, wakes up screaming for no apparent reason, but does sleep through the night)
Bad Breath--Check (But doesn't most babies??)
Wants to be help upright--Check
Gas--Check
All signs are pointing to reflux. I noticed she was happiest when taking a bath, in her mobi carrier, or in her car seat in a stroller. All of which she is in an upright position, which would help with reflux..
Luckily she is gaining weight like a champ. But I can't believe it took me 3 months to figure this all out and I can't believe I ignored all the signs and helpful hints for so long.
I read that most infants grow out of it by 7 or 8 months. I am going to discuss all of this with the doc and see what he thinks, but until then I'll try some non-medical things suggested.
Ugh, being a mom is such a humbling experience.
Until next time...
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