Motherhood has taught me a sense of selflessness that I never understood before. I try to put my husband and baby first. That has not always been the case. When I got married, I still had a lot of growing to do. Becoming a parent thrusted me into a part of adulthood that I am enjoying. It is my absolute joy to be my kid's mom and husband's girlfriend, but which takes priority?
I bring this up because yesterday a fellow SAHM brought this philosophical question to light. Over half of women polled felt that kids were more important, while 30% felt that a successful marriage was important. So often, we hear of stories where women become mothers and neglect themselves and husbands..... I suppose these stats show why.
You might have to ask Ian, but I feel as if I am a better wife now that I am a mom. A lot of that is due to an adjustment in perspective. It truly takes a real man to support Haley and I the way he does, and I now have a level of respect for him that I never imagined having. Because of this, I feel (in answer to the philosophy of baby vs. husband) that husband takes priority. My thought is that treating him well does some double duty. Part of being a good parent is creating the most loving environment possible. If I am neglecting my husband to focus strictly on the baby, how loving is the environment going to be? Now this doesn't mean I am going to let Haley scream it out so I can give him a back rub. What I mean is reserving some physical and emotional energy for him. I would love to pass out the minute Haley goes to bed, but how good of a wife would I be? So I do my best to take care of myself so I have the energy to pull off the wifey gig after he comes home.
One thing is fact. Divorce is bad on kids. Period. Sometimes, staying is truly worse than leaving. Abuse, addiction, and adultery typically are cases in which parents shouldn't or can't stick together. Obviously there are cases in which these things can be worked through and the marriage can be saved. My point is, too often children come along...the marriage is neglected, and then there is a split. Not good and totally something that can be avoided.
So for that reason, I stand behind my belief that the marriage has to be cherished and taken care of equally if not more than the children.
There is a third part to this. Moms have to take care of themselves too. If moms neglect themselves then they are no good to anyone. It's a hard balance to find. I have found a few ways to take care of myself. The first being the gym. 6 days a week, one hour a day, I have the gym scheduled in for myself. Kickboxing, Zumba, Boot Camp...those things are for me. Fitness plus social hour with fellow mommas. The perk...I stay looking hot for my hubby and have the energy to be a good mom. If I miss the gym, I feel drained and irritable. The second thing is my blog. My blog is for me. Sometimes it maybe random and stupid, but it's something I enjoy. I enjoy hearing that I brought someone a laugh by my randomness or totally pointless post. I enjoy getting a moment to share the special things that are happening in my life. I need the outlet to present my frustrations and tribulations. But when I hear critical statements about my blog or blogging in general, I have to shake it off because this...this is for me. Not you. So, if you think what I have to say is stupid, then don't read it. It makes no difference to me. Because honestly, after becoming a mother, I realize at the end of the day, I have no more left in me to care. Just keep your rude remarks to yourself. Thanks!
That's all....
Until next time.....
I bring this up because yesterday a fellow SAHM brought this philosophical question to light. Over half of women polled felt that kids were more important, while 30% felt that a successful marriage was important. So often, we hear of stories where women become mothers and neglect themselves and husbands..... I suppose these stats show why.
You might have to ask Ian, but I feel as if I am a better wife now that I am a mom. A lot of that is due to an adjustment in perspective. It truly takes a real man to support Haley and I the way he does, and I now have a level of respect for him that I never imagined having. Because of this, I feel (in answer to the philosophy of baby vs. husband) that husband takes priority. My thought is that treating him well does some double duty. Part of being a good parent is creating the most loving environment possible. If I am neglecting my husband to focus strictly on the baby, how loving is the environment going to be? Now this doesn't mean I am going to let Haley scream it out so I can give him a back rub. What I mean is reserving some physical and emotional energy for him. I would love to pass out the minute Haley goes to bed, but how good of a wife would I be? So I do my best to take care of myself so I have the energy to pull off the wifey gig after he comes home.
One thing is fact. Divorce is bad on kids. Period. Sometimes, staying is truly worse than leaving. Abuse, addiction, and adultery typically are cases in which parents shouldn't or can't stick together. Obviously there are cases in which these things can be worked through and the marriage can be saved. My point is, too often children come along...the marriage is neglected, and then there is a split. Not good and totally something that can be avoided.
So for that reason, I stand behind my belief that the marriage has to be cherished and taken care of equally if not more than the children.
There is a third part to this. Moms have to take care of themselves too. If moms neglect themselves then they are no good to anyone. It's a hard balance to find. I have found a few ways to take care of myself. The first being the gym. 6 days a week, one hour a day, I have the gym scheduled in for myself. Kickboxing, Zumba, Boot Camp...those things are for me. Fitness plus social hour with fellow mommas. The perk...I stay looking hot for my hubby and have the energy to be a good mom. If I miss the gym, I feel drained and irritable. The second thing is my blog. My blog is for me. Sometimes it maybe random and stupid, but it's something I enjoy. I enjoy hearing that I brought someone a laugh by my randomness or totally pointless post. I enjoy getting a moment to share the special things that are happening in my life. I need the outlet to present my frustrations and tribulations. But when I hear critical statements about my blog or blogging in general, I have to shake it off because this...this is for me. Not you. So, if you think what I have to say is stupid, then don't read it. It makes no difference to me. Because honestly, after becoming a mother, I realize at the end of the day, I have no more left in me to care. Just keep your rude remarks to yourself. Thanks!
That's all....
Until next time.....
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