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I Hope You're As Happy As You're Pretending....

I knew better than to go to Wal-Mart at 5:20 on a weekday evening.  But at the time, I didn't really feel as if I had a choice.  A few days a week, I am helping out a friend by seeing her son off the school bus.  While hanging out with my little buddy, my daughter had a horrible blow out.  I threw her onesie in the wash, but couldn't get it dry in time for my evening agenda.  Against my better judgement I ran to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things including a new onesie for Haley since her other one was still damp.   Lesson learned, always pack an extra onesie.

Because I didn't want my daughter to be rocking just a diaper, I covered her with a burp rag in her car seat.  Then I decided that I could put her in her stroller and pull the canopy over her, just in case I ran into someone, they wouldn't be able to tell that my I was white trashing my daughter up in Wal-Mart.  When I pulled into the parking spot, I looked up, and of course, there was someone I knew from church.  It always happens that way.  I, while very flustered, try to explain my daughters appearance.   Between my flustered rambling, and half naked baby, I am sure he thinks I am a nut case.

It always seems to happen that way.  You always run into people when you least expect it or least want to.  I will never forget the time I was about to die from the flu.  I was an absolute mess and ran to Wal-Mart sporting probably the least flattering outfit that's ever existed.  I think I ran into at least 5 people I knew that day.

Can I please just run into people on a good hair day once in awhile.

So for the record.  I generally do not have my daughter rock just a diaper in public or at home.

Anyways....Rewind to earlier in the day...

I looked around the crowded play area, searching for my daughter.  Today was the first day we took Haley to the gym with us.  In the arms of an employee I found my daughter.  I noticed the employee was pacing the floor.  My heart immediately sank as I realized Haley had probably been fussing for the 45 minutes I was separated from her.

I went to her and put her in my arms.  Her eyes seem to communicate such betrayal.  While she wasn't crying, her eyes seemed puffy like she had been.  I asked the employee how she had done.  She pretended to be all happy. Fake smile. She lied and said she did fantastic. (Okay maybe I don't know if she was really lying, but in my head it seemed like she was.  My daughter couldn't have possibly done 'fantastic' without me)  I went to thank the employee when I realized I didn't even know the employee's name.  I didn't even know someone who knew her by name. My daughter had been in the arms of a complete stranger for 45 minutes.

Neurotic.  Over protective. A bad mom.  Who knows.  You can reach your own judgement, but this is something I will have to get use to.  I keep telling myself it is ONE hour a day.  She is RIGHT around the corner.  And I can check on her as much as I would like.  I think the thought that I can't shake is that I wouldn't hand a stranger a 100 bucks and ask them to keep and eye on it.  I'll be back in an hour to get it.  So why would I trust a stranger with my daughter?  Tomorrow, when I go to the gym, I am definitely going to catch their names.  I want to know exactly who will have my daughter for the next hour.

Ugh. I am wondering how I will handle my kidlet going to kindergarten someday.  I'll probably sit at home and listen to Dashboard Confessional and cry.

Well that is all that I have for you right now....

Until next time....

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