Tired, frustrated, under slept, under groomed...and two kids are making it their goal to tear down the home. The home I worked so hard to clean, after they were tucked in bed last night---again.
I look down and see elastic around my ankles. ELASTIC. I vowed not to wear sweats--as like...an attire. I judged...JUDGED mothers for wearing Yoga pants. Even after Haley. But here I sit. Two kids, a messy house, under groomed---in elastic sweats. In fact, I am not exactly sure the last time I wore pants that required a button. And in these pants, I am not sure I could even get a prisoner to lust after me.
I actually loath myself.
I hurry through the day. Holding my pee longer than what is healthy for the bladder. I've re-heated my coffee for the 3rd time. THIRD time. I am not even human until I can consume coffee.
And even after my come to Jesus revelation just two days ago--I am thinking about my holey cup, leaking---drip, drip, drip.
I had plans to run 6 or 7 miles today. And I watch the clock realizing this just isn't going to happen. After-all, I am still holding my pee. Making it to the gym today would require a second coming of Jesus--and my being left behind.
Have you ever been so tired your face feels heavy?
And in all this, the resentment boils up. Because I am hear alone. It is all on me. And I am wearing elastic ankle pants and having to pee.
And like an out of body experience, I step back from myself. Standing there in the kitchen. Tense and frustrated, with anger boiling up in all the wrong places. And sorrow washes over me, as I realize just how unfair I am being.
My poor husband. After a 12 hour shift yesterday, a few hours of sleep--he returned to work. None of this by choice, but by circumstance. And never without a complaint. He never complains about the lack of sleep. Never complains about not getting to enjoy his hobbies. Never even complains about his wife in the elastic ankle pants--after all, under those elastic ankle pants is a rear end that regularly enjoys long runs----that I am not able to go on at the moment...I digress.
I look down and see elastic around my ankles. ELASTIC. I vowed not to wear sweats--as like...an attire. I judged...JUDGED mothers for wearing Yoga pants. Even after Haley. But here I sit. Two kids, a messy house, under groomed---in elastic sweats. In fact, I am not exactly sure the last time I wore pants that required a button. And in these pants, I am not sure I could even get a prisoner to lust after me.
I actually loath myself.
I hurry through the day. Holding my pee longer than what is healthy for the bladder. I've re-heated my coffee for the 3rd time. THIRD time. I am not even human until I can consume coffee.
And even after my come to Jesus revelation just two days ago--I am thinking about my holey cup, leaking---drip, drip, drip.
I had plans to run 6 or 7 miles today. And I watch the clock realizing this just isn't going to happen. After-all, I am still holding my pee. Making it to the gym today would require a second coming of Jesus--and my being left behind.
Have you ever been so tired your face feels heavy?
And in all this, the resentment boils up. Because I am hear alone. It is all on me. And I am wearing elastic ankle pants and having to pee.
And like an out of body experience, I step back from myself. Standing there in the kitchen. Tense and frustrated, with anger boiling up in all the wrong places. And sorrow washes over me, as I realize just how unfair I am being.
My poor husband. After a 12 hour shift yesterday, a few hours of sleep--he returned to work. None of this by choice, but by circumstance. And never without a complaint. He never complains about the lack of sleep. Never complains about not getting to enjoy his hobbies. Never even complains about his wife in the elastic ankle pants--after all, under those elastic ankle pants is a rear end that regularly enjoys long runs----that I am not able to go on at the moment...I digress.
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