Ahh, where have I been?
If I am being truthful, I would say that I have been in some crummy head space. Now, please don't picture me moping around my house, crying and yelling at my daughter and hubby. It isn't like that. At all. But I realized today, I have been in a funk for awhile. There are a lot of contributing factors--but one thing that has come with maturity is despite my frame of mind, I know my responsibility as a wife and mother. You wake up, you smile, and you go through the day being a good pleasant person--even when you don't feel like it.
The thing is, I have never been the person that has been okay with crawling on the sofa and doing nothing in a pair of zumbaz pants....
I am active. I like to be busy. I like to play. I like to enjoy life. But this round of pregnancy has me wanting to lay on the sofa for days watching bad reruns on the SoapNet. Doing nothing. I make myself go to the gym for exercise. And it helps.. But it is totally not the same right now. I can't bare another minute on the elliptical without screaming.
Like I said, it is a lot of different factors. Nothing major. And nothing actually rational nor legitimate. Mostly hot and hormonal. And not in a sexy way.
But as September rolls in, I feel as if the fog is lifting. The heat, for one, had me seriously blue. I love being outside, and I can count on one hand the number of days I got to spend significant time outside in August (and none of which I actually enjoyed). But with September coming, I feel hope. I know that better weather is a few weeks ahead. My absolutely favorite time of the year in within reach. And things are looking and feeling better.
I am in some better head space now. I think what really helped me was a nice walk with my mom this morning. I broke away from my routine. Broke away from the elliptical. And was outside. It was hot, but not unbearable. And I felt like me for the first time in a long time. Then, I also bought some maternity clothing from a gal I know--and I feel better in my new outfit today. It fits. It is flattering. And it is darn amazing how a good looking outfit can lift your spirits.
So, I am back. I will try to update more--it is just hard when you are feeling a bit blah and cynical towards the world. I got my butt bitten--but you realize that what matters the most is and has been right here all along. I enjoy writing, and while I have lacked the motivation to blog recently, it is time I either commit or shut this thing down. So here is to my one last good effort at blogging...
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