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Last Day of March

As I walked in the door to our home last night, I had a fleeting thought about anxiety. 

Anxiety is an interesting thing.  It can take control of your life in a split second.  A year ago, I remember feeling just short of an anxiety attack each time I walked into our home alone.  Many times, I would call my husband to distract me as I walked through the house.  I would check the closets, behind shower curtains, and under the bed for the boggy-man.  I literally let my fears take grip of my life.  

I truly believe the mind is a powerful thing.  Our moods are a state of mind.  When we give into our weaknesses, we can spiral downward into depression, anxiety, fear.  When I think back, I realize how weak minded I was allowing myself to be.  My fears were unreasonable and silly.  I can’t remember how I exactly moved on from my irrational fears, but prayer has always been one thing that has helped me move past my anxiety. 

When I walk into my home, alone, I can proudly say I am cautiously aware but no longer anxious.  My anxiety is no longer unreasonable.  Last night was the first night I came to this realization.  I’m not sure exactly what brought me to this thought, but I was overcome with pride.  Then I began to think about my fears during pregnancy.  For the past 7 and 1/2 months, I had been experiencing the same type of irrational fear that I had felt a year ago.  It has been difficult for me to even enjoy pregnancy.  But when I realized the peace you can experience when you turn things over to God, I realized it was time to let go…the truth is, it is what it is—and anxiety will never overcome or keep something bad from happening.  Anxiety will only hinder happiness and steal us of our joy.  So I choose to let it go.  I choose to enjoy these last few moments of pregnancy.  I choose to trust God, because He is truly faithful in his promises.  The life of my child is in His hands, not my anxiety’s. 

Hmm I think that was a little much for this early in the morning—but anyways…

This week has been fairly mellow so far.  However, we have ambitious plans for the rest of our week.  Tonight we have our birthing class, which I am very much looking forward to.  Tonight we get to take a tour of the birthing center.  As each week continues, the reality of this begins to become more and more real.  Tomorrow we have very exciting plans to tackle the garage.  The garage is an absolute mess.  I will be sidelined as water girl and supervisor, but Ian will be my knight in shining armor as he takes on the garage.  I also have about 5 rose bushes that will be planted and some ornamental grass.  Finally, Ian plans on starting operation front lawn make over as well.  Last year, as I mentioned before, we completely tore out our front lawn and started from scratch.  This year, the lawn is still in brutal shape.  We spoke with some professionals that quoted us upwards of $600 bucks to take on just the front lawn so we decided to give it another go on our own.  After some extensive research, I have major confidence in my man’s plan of action and ability to conquer the lawn.  Let the fun begin. 

As I wrap this post up I realized…it is the last day in March!  That is so crazy to me.  We are already a 1/4th through 2011.  As more time passes by, I can’t help but think about our “lasts”.  This is our last March as just a married couple.  This will be our last Easter—just the two of us.  Our last times going to dinner without thinking of baby.  Our last full night’s sleep for a long while.  I’m sure I will someday look back at these times with nostalgia, but right now our excitement for the “firsts” to come overshadows our sadness for our lasts….. 

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