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2023 - Free to be me

Productivity. Self-help. Goal setting.  Supplements. Workout programs. Macros. For my adult life, I have been a girl chasing something. I am not sure what it is. I don't esteem to come to fame. I don't esteem to have a small fortune. But I do esteem to be the very best version of my as humanely possible, to a fault. I've been changing perfection.  The harder I try, the more apparent my inevitable fallibility truly is. I am, flawed. Imperfect. Impatient. Quick to anger. Impulsive.  Year after year, I have come up with goals to try to "perfect" my life and myself. This year will be different.  This year I will stop striving (so much). I will stop goal setting. I will stop with the self-help (because I got real help). And I will just....be.  Instead if productivity, I will choose to be present. Instead of self-help, I will choose vulnerability. Instead of goal setting, I will live by the values of who I say I am.  Instead of supplements, workout programs, and ...

Building a Nest on a Fan Blade

We sat around the kitchen table for hours, as we do on most major holidays. Laughing with overstuffed bellies. Out on the deck, a pile of bird nesting material falls to the ground. Looking up, we see where a mamma bird was attempting to build a nest on the upper side of the fan blade. She would bring nesting material, lay it on the fan, do a bit of a nesting dance--then fly off to gather more material.  Before she returned, the material would blow off, falling to the ground in defeat. Again, she would attempt her nest, do a nesting dance, and fly off again. Amidst our 8 hours of visiting, this bird continued this pattern throughout the entire day.  Never making progress.  I couldn't help but laugh, but also feel grief for the mama bird.  We attempted to redirect her efforts to an empty cool wipe container, with no success.   It got me thinking how often we come back to the same things over and over and over again.  Not making progress. How often do we ...

Do Audiobooks Count?

Growing up, I was not much of a reader.  I did go through a phase around 5th grade when I discovered smut fiction. But that is a whole other thing.  Perhaps that is why my spelling is atrocious, and my writing is elementary at best.  Many say, when you homeschool, you get an opportunity to redeem your own education.  I am finding that now. I have developed a passion for literature. So far this year I have consumed 15 books, though, audio books.  Which, I don't think will have the same impact on writing ability as actually reading the words and processing the visual language.  The problem is--I am ADHD.  Tiktok diagnosed me, so it must be fact.  I am also reading books along side my children.  These we do read in print. I have never felt less adequate then when we started taking a crack at the classics. As I stumbled through the first pages of Heidi, I realized how awful that skill is for me. I looked up the reading level for that book. 8th gr...

Playing in the Dirt

     For most of my life, my only “hobby” has been sports and exercise. It’s a complicated love affair which is entangled with what feels like a constant struggle with needing to be faster, stronger, leaner, skinner. It’s a hobby that brings me equal parts joy and discontentment.      This year I’ve started my first garden. A simple task of practicality has become a surprising joy and hobby. It feels like, art. There is nothing like watching something grow and flourish. The challenge of trial and error. Time spent outdoors. So many elements that have brought me an unexpected gift.

Tuesday

*Sigh* Many of these posts will be seemingly pointless. I have nothing profound or witty to offer.  But for the sake of exercising this muscle I am hoping to develop.  Here is goes.  If you have been following my life for some time now, you already know that we started homeschooling back in 2020. But like, before the pandemic.  You get slightly more street cred if you decided to homeschool before the pandemic, than during.  This year, we are adventuring out and trying a co-op.  The hope is to give the kiddos some enrichment and a rich atmosphere to interact with likeminded peers. It has been good. I have a lot of hope for the program.  The funny thing is, Haley and I have both had anxiety dreams surrounding co-op.  For her, she forgot to bring her presentation.  For me, the kiddos were so naughty, that I ended up quitting the co-op. In addition to it being a really awesome experience for us, I think it is challenging us in other ways as well....

The Crisis by Haley

Below is a narrative paper Haley wrote.  Age 10.  The Crisis When covid-19 came, the world changed. Toilet paper was hoarded, people were ill with a mysterious sickness, and sadly people were dying.It was a somber time. In March 2020, my family and I were on a vacation in Rockport , Texas. For the first week, it was the best week of my life. We went shopping and went to the beach every day! We sat outside on the front porch and did our homeschool. We were carefree.  Then the second week, I noticed my mom and dad seemed stressed. I didn’t know until a few before we left that a new sickness had arrived. Now we just stayed in the house.Occasionally we left to go to the beach .Then suddenly, all of the toilet paper and water was sold out. We thought a lock down might be coming. Shortly after we got home, we had a lock down. We had to wear masks, no church and no Y.M.C.A!   In Jan 2021, we got covid. For us, it was like the flu. It didn’t feel like a big deal at ...