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Days Away

Hmmmm......was that a contractions?  Maybe.  Na.....

 That was most definitely a contraction.....I think.

 Pshhhhttttt Babe.....BABE WAKEUP.  I think I am in labor.  Feel my belly, do you think that is a contraction? 

 I have a feeling that I am so clueless that I would be one of the women who end up giving birth in a car because I had no idea if I was in labor or not.   Even when I was induced, I don't remember 'noticing' contractions until after they broke my water.  Then I wanted to die.

I have been begging and pleading to go into labor on my own before the eviction date.  And I thought for certain I would go into labor over night.  I walked for an hour yesterday, came home and cleaned the house--while dancing around like a Zumbaing maniac.  Why?  Because I had so much energy I couldn't contain myself (total sign of possible labor soon).  I insisted on walking through the baby section at Wal-Mart ONE MORE TIME, because this baby is coming and I needed to make sure we had everything.

All night, I thought.....MAYBE.  Could this be it?

 Doubtful.  I think I could make an argument for some decently convincing contractions---but they never got closer than 15-20 minutes apart and come and go.   So labor before Wednesday?  Doubtful.  But a girl can hope.

Sometimes it is hard to believe.  That this is it.  I am going to have a son.  I find myself constantly looking to my 2-and-a-half-year old for a sobering (and very happy) reminder that this is real.  That everything I have experienced over the last year has been leading up to the bringing home of another tiny human that I will be responsible for keeping alive for the next 18 years.

Pregnancy. After an early MC 11 months ago--I promised myself to embrace every moment of pregnancy. Truth is, the anxiety never went away.  I have been living in a perceptual state of "waiting for the other shoe to drop".  I experienced that with Haley (for no particular reason) and then again this pregnancy but to a magnified state thanks to the MC and progesterone pills and the bleedy cyst removal and the previa. Luckily, the second half of my pregnancy was smooth sailing-but the anxiety did not subside.

With all that, it still doesn't feel real.

But I am ready.  I can't wait to meet my son.  I just pray for a healthy arrival.

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