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40 Weeks: The Anticipation


Today is Owen's due date.  Clearly, I am still pregnant.  I was not one of the lucky 50 percent of the population that has their babies by 40 weeks.  I had high hopes of going into labor on my own.  I am disappointed (I can't see myself going into labor in the next 48 hours), but in the end all I care about is a healthy baby Owen.  And since I was looking at a schedule C-section early in pregnancy, I am happy with the outcome.  

At this point, it still feels so surreal.  I spent sometime looking at photos and videos of the past 2 and a half years with Haley.  Laughing at how clueless I was about parenting (and frankly still am).  She still turned out alright so far, if I may say so myself.  She has a personality all her own.  Strong willed. Happy.  Energetic.  It makes me curious what Owen will be like.  It is certainly going to be different this time around.  Going from one kid to two.  I anticipate a lot of me being tired and me being frustrated.  A lot of prayer for patience and gentleness despite being exhausted.  But there is a lot of good stuff I anticipate too.





If I had to sum all of my emotions up into one word, I would say: Anticipation.

About a year ago, I stood at the start line for my first half-marathon.  How and why, I am not sure--but I was at the very front of the crowd.  So very literally, I was ON the start line--looking out to the road marked ahead.  My nerves were like never before.  It was an extremely windy day with a 15-25 mph head wind.  I somewhat knew what to expect, and I somewhat didn't know what to expect.  And I had the very same feeling as I have today.  Anticipation.  A pleasant combination of excitement and anxiety.  I knew there were challenges ahead and I knew at the end of the day I would battle through.  I knew that I was doing something I  loved and was passionate about--an no matter the struggle it would all be worth it.

This feels a lot like that.  I somewhat know what to expect, but in the same manner, my life will never be the same.  

 But for now, I am standing on the starting line.  Just waiting....in anticipation.

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