Here is your warning...I am about to whine, complain, and sound really ridiculous
My least favorite part of my day is from the time Haley and I get up (7 a.m.) to the time she gets up from her first nap (10 a.m.).
The first part is that I am not a morning person. Not that I wake up as a total hag, but I just don't enjoy waking up with a lack of sleep. Luckily, I am generally pleasant despite this.
So it starts...wake-up and feed Haley. Part of this is my own fault. I have been both breastfeeding and bottle feeding expressed breast milk. Bottle feeding is a pain because I am pumping all the time, then you have to wash bottles. Breastfeeding is a pain because she usually wants to eat again sooner and seems less satisfied after feedings. So it is me constantly trying to find the less of the two evils.
Side note: Here is a fun fact. Studies have found that it is better to breastfeed even if you are a heavy smoker, than feed your child formula. Not that I ever intend on smoking, but I just found that an interesting fact. So every time I feel like being selfish and giving up breastfeeding, I remind myself how great it is for her.
After feeding is her time to play and have wake time. This is my opportunity to shower. Today I get in the shower--and I realize that I am not in a good mood already, so I am taking my time in the shower to regroup and give myself a pep-talk. In the middle of my pep-talk, Haley starts crying. So I hop out, grab a towel to attend to her. Generally I would let her cry just a little so I can at least take a full shower, but Ian worked late and needs his sleep. Totally understandable, but my irrational and ungrateful side resented him for a moment.
I realize she is probably tired and it is time for a nap, but I need to change her sheet before I lay her back down for a nap as she had leaked out of her diaper this morning. So I go to change her sheet. All the while I am still in a towel. I get her all settled in for her nap and then it's time to pump. She of course is fussy--so I have to take a few trips back in her room to pop her paci back in and tell her I love her--all that jazz so she doesn't feel neglected. I can imagine she is picking up the fact that I am now frustrated beyond any reason, fighting back tears, and just wanting to go back to bed. I try to get a grip because who would want to feel bonded to some crazy lady with seemingly no patience.
Finally, time to get dressed. As I slip on my clothes I am thinking two things.
1.) Probably shouldn't have decided to skip the gym today.
2.) When is the last time I bought new clothes? These are looking, sad.
I get dressed, then I grab my pump and makeup. Usually I apply makeup while pumping. Mufti-tasking is key to my morning. This morning I grab my computer instead because I realize I need to vent.
Crap laundry. I go and grab the dirty laundry and go to attend to that before I sit down to pump. Then I realize, two days ago, I put our comforter into the wash because I knocked over a whole bottle of breast milk on the bed. It smells horrible now because it has been sitting for two days, so I start the wash again, hoping to wash away the soured smell.
Then I realize that I need to eat breakfast. I started drinking Slimfast, not because I am trying to cut weight, but because I always forget to eat breakfast and it is an easy thing to grab on the go and drink while I have time.
So here I am now, drinking my Slimfast, pumping, and blogging.
I can't really understand why I feel so overwhelmed. Nothing about my morning was that bad. And most days, I find it exciting that I can juggle so much. Kinda like I am super woman. But today--I am emotional. Today--I am irrationally and unjustifiably angry and resentful. Needing to get a grip.
The last thing that I want to start doing is lashing out at Ian. He works so hard to allow me to stay home. It is unfair for me to expect him to work all night, then come home and attend to an overly emotional wife and the baby. This is my job, my responsibility. I guess being tired sometimes diminishes my rational side. Plus, it is not like I don't get a break. I find plenty of time "zen" time throughout my day. The mornings are just, hectic
I haven't even been home alone for two full weeks yet. And I am already needing to get a grip. I guess this is a learning process. Learning to juggle. Learning to prioritize. Learning to cope. I am so lucky to have this opportunity. I am so grateful I choose a man that had the same views in how to raise a child. He puts me on a pedestal because I want to raise my child. I wanted it all, and that's what I got.
So for now.....I will turn on Kenny Chesney's "Woman With You", put on my make-up, and prepare for round two--with a smile. Is that the baby I hear....looks like make-up will have to wait....
Life is so good.....
My least favorite part of my day is from the time Haley and I get up (7 a.m.) to the time she gets up from her first nap (10 a.m.).
The first part is that I am not a morning person. Not that I wake up as a total hag, but I just don't enjoy waking up with a lack of sleep. Luckily, I am generally pleasant despite this.
So it starts...wake-up and feed Haley. Part of this is my own fault. I have been both breastfeeding and bottle feeding expressed breast milk. Bottle feeding is a pain because I am pumping all the time, then you have to wash bottles. Breastfeeding is a pain because she usually wants to eat again sooner and seems less satisfied after feedings. So it is me constantly trying to find the less of the two evils.
Side note: Here is a fun fact. Studies have found that it is better to breastfeed even if you are a heavy smoker, than feed your child formula. Not that I ever intend on smoking, but I just found that an interesting fact. So every time I feel like being selfish and giving up breastfeeding, I remind myself how great it is for her.
After feeding is her time to play and have wake time. This is my opportunity to shower. Today I get in the shower--and I realize that I am not in a good mood already, so I am taking my time in the shower to regroup and give myself a pep-talk. In the middle of my pep-talk, Haley starts crying. So I hop out, grab a towel to attend to her. Generally I would let her cry just a little so I can at least take a full shower, but Ian worked late and needs his sleep. Totally understandable, but my irrational and ungrateful side resented him for a moment.
I realize she is probably tired and it is time for a nap, but I need to change her sheet before I lay her back down for a nap as she had leaked out of her diaper this morning. So I go to change her sheet. All the while I am still in a towel. I get her all settled in for her nap and then it's time to pump. She of course is fussy--so I have to take a few trips back in her room to pop her paci back in and tell her I love her--all that jazz so she doesn't feel neglected. I can imagine she is picking up the fact that I am now frustrated beyond any reason, fighting back tears, and just wanting to go back to bed. I try to get a grip because who would want to feel bonded to some crazy lady with seemingly no patience.
Finally, time to get dressed. As I slip on my clothes I am thinking two things.
1.) Probably shouldn't have decided to skip the gym today.
2.) When is the last time I bought new clothes? These are looking, sad.
I get dressed, then I grab my pump and makeup. Usually I apply makeup while pumping. Mufti-tasking is key to my morning. This morning I grab my computer instead because I realize I need to vent.
Crap laundry. I go and grab the dirty laundry and go to attend to that before I sit down to pump. Then I realize, two days ago, I put our comforter into the wash because I knocked over a whole bottle of breast milk on the bed. It smells horrible now because it has been sitting for two days, so I start the wash again, hoping to wash away the soured smell.
Then I realize that I need to eat breakfast. I started drinking Slimfast, not because I am trying to cut weight, but because I always forget to eat breakfast and it is an easy thing to grab on the go and drink while I have time.
So here I am now, drinking my Slimfast, pumping, and blogging.
I can't really understand why I feel so overwhelmed. Nothing about my morning was that bad. And most days, I find it exciting that I can juggle so much. Kinda like I am super woman. But today--I am emotional. Today--I am irrationally and unjustifiably angry and resentful. Needing to get a grip.
The last thing that I want to start doing is lashing out at Ian. He works so hard to allow me to stay home. It is unfair for me to expect him to work all night, then come home and attend to an overly emotional wife and the baby. This is my job, my responsibility. I guess being tired sometimes diminishes my rational side. Plus, it is not like I don't get a break. I find plenty of time "zen" time throughout my day. The mornings are just, hectic
I haven't even been home alone for two full weeks yet. And I am already needing to get a grip. I guess this is a learning process. Learning to juggle. Learning to prioritize. Learning to cope. I am so lucky to have this opportunity. I am so grateful I choose a man that had the same views in how to raise a child. He puts me on a pedestal because I want to raise my child. I wanted it all, and that's what I got.
So for now.....I will turn on Kenny Chesney's "Woman With You", put on my make-up, and prepare for round two--with a smile. Is that the baby I hear....looks like make-up will have to wait....
Life is so good.....
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