Let me start by going on the record and saying-I don't prescribe to the whole 'self-care' movement. Before you dismiss me as a self righteous ass-hat, hear me out.
According to a quick google search self-care is defined by "any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health." In and of itself, that doesn't sound like such a bad thing. But there are a number of things I have done throughout the years due to my entitlement to "self-care". Hitting the gym (for HOURS a day). Nightly glass bottle of wine. Rowdy girls' night. Social media scrolling. Netflix Binges.
After all, taking care of me helps take care of those around me.
It is a slippery slope. Tim Keller once Tweeted, "Sin isnʼt only doing bad things; it’s more fundamentally making good things into ultimate things. Sin is building your life and meaning on anything, even a very good thing, more than on God. Whatever we build our life on will drive us and enslave us. Sin is primarily idolatry." Very quickly, self-care can become idolatry--It has, at times for me. There is a difference between pursuing fitness for a healthy body and mind. And pursuing fitness for vanity. The actions can look exactly the same, but the heart behind one can actually be sinful. Ultimately, I think the action items behind "self-care" can be essential. We should seek to sleep well, drink water, move our bodies, pray, moderate coffee & alcohol, put effort into out physical appearance to feel good. But...perhaps not in the spirit of self-care.
I digress. I say all of that to say, this is not a post about self-care...exactly. This is about a discipline that has ultimately helped my walk with Jesus.
Despite not being a morning person, every Monday I set my alarm early to go to a local coffee shop at open. Sometimes I will meet a friend, sometimes I spend that time reading my Bible, listening to a sermon, and taking notes. But generally speaking, the purpose of that time is to set the tone for my week. To really meditate and seek to connect with God's word. In doing that, I am not seeking to take care of myself. I am utilizing the things God has designed to help Him take care of us. His word. His community. Prayer. God is not glorified when we seek to be self-sufficient, He is glorified when we rest in his sufficiency.
I have found, I must avoid "getting in the weeds"--and then seeking to get back on solid ground. Isn't that how it goes by default? Our prayer lives suck until something awful occurs. Then we pray earnestly.
My Monday mornings are designed to seek sufficiency in His word and truth--before getting in the weeds. But today I had a realization:
As pious as the above sounds. I do not have my stuff together. While I read the Bible, I believe it is true. Most of the time, I have a hard time believing it is true for me. When I pray--I often feel like I am faking it. So I seek to do the right things. I seek to say the right thing things--like "self-care" bad. Jesus good. But ultimately most of the time I am praying "Lord I believe, help my unbelief". I wish I could FEEL God's presence in my life like some describe. I wish I was better at praying. I wish I had an undoubting heart--and like I truly has my mind wrapped around who Jesus is and my relationship with Him.
But that is not the case.
My heart desires devotion, but right now, I am only grasping doctrine.
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