I was flipping through my Redbook magazine, reading articles when I was overwhelmed with the desire to write. I haven't felt motivated to really write in a long time, so here I am. I could go on for days with all the happenings in our lives recently, but instead I am just going to try to keep everything as concise as possible.
I am now a full time Stay-At-Home-Mom
The plan was always for me to be a SAHM. Even before I got pregnant, or before we got married. It was basically a non-issue altogether. But we discussed it when we were dating, and that is just how we both envisioned our lives. And for the most part--over the past two years, I have been--ish.
When I was 8 months pregnant with Haley, I decided to hold on to my part time gig for awhile longer. Haley could tag along and it would give me something to do (oh how naive was I to think I actually NEEDED to add MORE to my plate) So at one point I was working 10 + hours a weeks, and the hours slowly dwindled down as this mom got worn out. (In addition to some other part time jobs here and there)
And this summer, I finally cut it off. Completely. No more part time gig. A lot went into the decision. I knew I would have to quit when the second baby came anyway, but with all my restrictions with the CPP--I didn't feel it was right to have another kid with me, just in case something did happen. I have already read one too many---"I bleed out on the laundry room floor and almost died" stories. That would be bad enough with just Haley with me--trying to get help and manage a child with special needs and a toddler seemed like asking for trouble. Or even if the worst didn't happen, I do need to be taking it easy. And then, even if the CPP goes clear up, and the restrictions are lifted--I kinda want to embrace the time alone with Haley and soak in the last time it will be just her. Our lives are about to drastically change, and I think this summer--I just needed to step back and brace myself.
I miss the kiddo. For sure. He is like a kid brother to me. I love him with all my heart and all my soul. And I will make plans to see him soon and regularly--but it is amazing how much stress was really surrounding my part time job. It put a strain on our schedule because there was always that thing in the middle of the afternoon that we HAD to do. It didn't matter if Haley was having a bad day, or if she didn't go down for a nap on time--we had to be there. Someone was counting on me. So now, without that stress-we have so much flexibility.
The craziest part, I didn't feel a flood of "extra time". In fact, I am not sure I even remembering how I pulled it off in the first place. We are busy. All the time. And if we are not busy, I am just trying to catch my breath-so to speak. Being a SAHM is work. All day every day. It is amazingly rewarding--but it is not some plush job where I can sip coffee and look at Pinterest for hours.
This is simply, the most rewarding experience I have ever had. I am so aware of how fleeting these moments are. Before I know it, I will blink and my kid(s) will be grown. So I am ready to embrace every moment. Strive for more patience. And wake up every morning, never to forget how lucky I am to raise my own children.
The Abbott's are "Happy Campers"
This summer, we decided to invest in our leisure time. We purchased a lake front property and a pull behind camper. The property needs a lot of work, meaning we have a lot of clearing of brush to do and such before we can camp on the land but this is a work in progress. We have a dock ready, we just need to move it over and attach it to our shore. But we are shooting to have it ready for regular use next summer. This past weekend, we took a break from working on the property to take the camper out for a shake down trip to Clinton Lake. My parents were nice enough to take their camper too and show us the ropes. Because, really, who knows how to light a gas stove anyway.
Here is a picture of what our camper looks like. Not a picture of our exact trailer but same model;
It is perfect for us. It is kinda a hybrid type camper, because it is somewhat like a pop-up in that the bed slides out, but it is like a camper trailer because it doesn't have any canvas and has a full bathroom, kitchen, etc.
When you forget toys, you make do what you can find laying around the camper.
The single time you saw this girl actually sit down the entire weekend. This moment lasted a whole ten seconds.
Haley did pretty good. I was brilliant and didn't pack a single toy for her. What was I thinking. But she enjoyed camping. She played outside in the dirt and in the water, and just enjoyed herself. Bedtime wasn't horrible, but getting her to take a nap has been proven impossible. So we have some real brainstorming to do to make the trips better with a toddler, but I am sure we can work out those kinks as well. We are HOPING to take a trip to Colorado this summer with it and maybe a trip to the Ozarks as well, but there are a lot of factors that have to work out before we can start planning major vacations.
I am a Crazy Pregnant Woman Mess: The Placenta Saga & Sex....of the baby
Today I am 18 weeks and 4 days pregnant. IF my complete placenta previa does not resolve, then I am basically half way through my pregnancy as best case scenario would be a C-section at 36ish weeks--assuming I don't go into preterm labor or hemorrhage and die (I am being overly dramatic).
My next appointment is in exactly one week. I am super eager. I haven't felt the baby move yet, which--I should be by now. BUT I have read that other CPP people didn't feel movement for awhile as well. So I just keep reminding myself that. ALSO, if the placenta moved to a more anterior position, I wouldn't be able to feel the baby move as much as this point---SO my hopes are up that it HAS already moved and just happens to be anterior now. At the appointment, I will be getting an anatomy ultrasound scan--so first, we will see if the placenta has moved at all. I so hope it has--I want to enjoy the second half of my pregnancy. I want to be off of pelvic rest (a-hem, you-know-what-I-mean).
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I want to pick up my daughter. I want to be able to do at least some modified push-ups and get some of my strength back. I want to be able to travel. I want NOT to feel like a ticking time bomb, wondering when my "first big bleed" will be. I want not to think about bed rest and how lazy I feel. I want to feel like a good mom and wife.
At least I am not crazy enough to eat my own placenta
I have had so much support and encouragement. I have heard the best case scenarios and whole lot of worst case scenarios. But if I am being honest with myself and everyone else--IF the placenta previa doesn't show any resolution progress next week--I am going to be pretty bummed. I will hold on to what is important (the health of the baby).
Example of almost worst case scenario--not wise for crazy pregnant women to read.
All of this seems to be overshadowing, what is suppose to be an amazing milestone in pregnancy. The big gender reveal. Ian was all for finding out and I was against it. But at this point, I could use some good news. I could use a distraction. And I could use something that will make this all feel real. So once I find out the sex, I can start getting clothes ready and day dreaming about names and nursery designs--and hopefully stop obsessing about my placenta.
In Summary
So much for concise. If you made it all the way through this post, I feel like you deserve a cookie or something. But that pretty much sums up life recently. Basically it is SAHM all week with Haley. camping stuff on the weekend, and obsessing about my placenta inbetween. I am determined to enjoy the summer no matter what. I have lots of cool things planned for Haley and looking forward to play dates and sun tans. But that pretty much is it for now. I'll try to update sooner than later next time!
Thanks for stopping by,
B
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