Skip to main content

Just Stop

Several years ago, I would daydream about what I wanted my life to look like.  We all do it.  Picture us at our "happy" our "ideal" 5--10---15 years from now.

Last night, it hit me.  I have arrived.  So often we get caught up on what is ahead that we forget the moment.  My husband lay fast asleep as I listened to his beating heart.  With my head on his chest I lay... still.  Listening.  The heart he has given to me.  The heart that beats every day to provide for his wife and child.  The heart that bears scars from the past.  The heart that has hopes for the future.  It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude  My very best friend in this world.  The man who stands next to me.  Wipes my tears when I have had enough.  Enjoys my smiles.  Laughs at me and with me.  This man, is mine.   

You see, life is a funny thing.  Nothing is ever guaranteed.  And while we all understand that--the reality doesn't sink in until something hits, turning your life upside down.  It will eventually happen to us all.  None of us go through life without something rocking our boats.  So in floods the "waiting for the other shoe to drop"  feeling.  Waiting.  Wearily. 

But I push those thoughts away, and soak in every moment of this peace.  The peace of a simple life.  Wife.  Mother.  Daughter.  Christian.  These things define me and where I am in my life.  These are the exact things I wished for.  Prayed for.  Dreamed for.  And too often, I forget to stop and relish in the moment.  Too busy living.  Cleaning.  Folding. Running.  Go. Go. Go.  

Sometimes you just need to stop.  Listen to the beating heart.  And be amazed that in this crazy world where so much is wrong-that you have created a world of peace to retreat too--all your own.  

I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fruit & Root Connection: Tangled Up

Certainly, I've expressed my aversion to hyper-spiritualized language before. It often feels contrived, lacking authenticity—a facade of piety. Perhaps it's projection. Maybe jealousy. Or it could stem from a sense of disillusionment with the Christian community. But every so often, amidst the noise, a truth resonates deeply. "There is a root and fruit connection between heart and behavior. People and situations do not determine our behavior; these things provide an occasion where our behavior reveals our hearts." - Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands I've been navigating through my anger, confronting myself in the mirror. What does this anger unveil about my own heart? Surely, they aren't as enraged with me. In fact, they probably don't spare me a second thought. If anything, they—as sincerely as they can muster—bemoan my status as an apostate. So pitiful. My fruit is anger. And too often, I'm tempted to point fingers elsewhere as the source of my...
Post a Comment
You Know You Want to Know More....>>

Should I Stay or Should I Go

At the time, deciding to leave felt like the most agonizing part of the whole ordeal. In hindsight, a few years of prayer journals were filled with distressing agony over desiring direction and reconciliation.  So much turmoil and emotional pain all the time. But we were constantly told that was to be expected. Hard was good. Hard truths. And iron sharpening iron. But in reality, We were all enduring death by a thousand paper-cuts. In reality, it was spiritual abuse.  In July of 2022, I sat in a lawn chair in California. It felt like a million miles from home.  We had been traveling the US, and hadn’t been home in weeks. I sat there, eating my bowl of chili.  As wonderful as the trip has been, I started to miss home. In my reflections. I counted my blessings. Home was good. Except one thing, I had a sense of dread when I thought about church. My chest would go tight. And my body felt shaky. I craved Jesus. I craved worship. I craved devotion. Being in God’s creation,...
Post a Comment
You Know You Want to Know More....>>

If Your Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands....

Alright y'all, I need to post an actual blog post.  It's been awhile.I guess I have said " writers block".  Everytime I've sat down to blog, I've gotten this nasty attitude, like I just want to rant and complain.  I'm not a fan of giving a bad mood more than it deserves or letting people get on my nerves enough that it bleeds in my blog in the most passive-aggressive way possible.  So I won't go there this time.  Focusing on what I'm thankful for has been such a great practice, and has helped me avoid the above.  So here goes nothing.....I'll update a little bit on everthing I suppose.... Finally, life is beginning to slow down.I am so appreciative of the fact that the moving/settling in process is over ( only to do it all again in T minus 5 months....) In theory, there should be a big hole where our next house will be soon. For some reason I doubt that they will break ground this week, but I would be happy if they did...I'm stressed and ...
Post a Comment
You Know You Want to Know More....>>