Wednesday afternoon, Haley and I were finally enjoying a nap. My phone went off but I was so tired I couldn't remember how to answer it. That is how you know your sleep deprived. When something as simple as answering the phone becomes difficult. I stirred myself awake and called him back.
I have a serious question....
Should I drive myself to the ER or do you want to take me?
Ian plays jokes on me all the time. But I knew this time it was not a joke. I could hear it in his voice. I could sense his pain. My heart broke for him. I was scared. My mind felt numb. Overwhelmed. But not anger.
He explained his incident with his ATV that resulted in a leg injury. As he relayed what happened to me, I felt sick. He explained the way his leg below his knee twisted in an unreal way. And how he had to "pop" it back to the way God designed it. I knew it was bad.
We went to the ER Wednesday and another doctor Thursday. MRI is Monday and we won't know much more until Thursday. We are praying that he won't have to have serious knee surgery.
Now things are difficult. Not that I mind difficult. I enjoy a challenge. But now I am in a place where I feel like I can't take care of Ian nor Haley as well as I would like to. When I see Ian in pain, it hurts my heart. I wish I could take the pain away. Endure the pain on his behalf. He is such a trooper.
One thing has saved me for sure. A few days ago, we purchased a Moby wrap from a family on craigs list. It is the most amazing thing ever made for mothers. Especially neurotic mothers like myself. But it is fantastic, I can simply wrap Haley to myself (which always instantly calms her down and usually results in her taking a nap) and have both of my hands free to do whatever needs to be done. Without Ian's ability to help me out, having the extra hands have been not only nice but imperative.
Oh ya. And on top of everything going on, I believe Haley is going through a growth spurt. She looks different every day, but today...wow. She was wide awake all day, and I believe she would have latched on and ate the entire day if I had let her. Instead of feeding her every 3 hours, I was lucky to make it 2 hours before she was throwing a massive-feed-me-now-or-I'm-going-to-blow-out-your-eat-drums-type of fit. It was frustrating. It took me the entire day to get my short to-do list accomplished. At a point of desperation, I even breastfed her while I vacuumed. How you ask? My Moby of course. I think I can do an entire snuggie-level-of-corniness comerical about how fabulous my Moby is. Seriously.
I also did something today. I need to own up to it. Since she has been eating like a crazy woman today, I am starting to feel like I've been feeding a baby aligator instead of a baby. I needed a break. I'm sore and I am not even sure there is anything else left to offer her. And aside from my better judgement and what the breastfeeding expects said, I broke down and gave her one of the samples of formula I have given at the hospital. I have to laugh. My girl is a bit of a diva. Not sure where she got that. (HA!) But as soon as she got her first taste of formula, she looked at me like I had gone crazy and was feeding her cat shit. But since she was apparently starving to death, she proceeded to eat it anyway...screaming inbetween breaks just to remind me of how horrible of a mother I was for feeding it to her. She finished the entire bottle, and then stared me down in a look of contempt--proving that even my almost 1 month-old knows I'm a bad mom.
Well there you have it. One afternoon completely threw a wrench in the nice routine we had accomplished. Now I am learning how to juggle...everything...on my own. Parenting is.....flexibility.
I have a serious question....
Should I drive myself to the ER or do you want to take me?
Ian plays jokes on me all the time. But I knew this time it was not a joke. I could hear it in his voice. I could sense his pain. My heart broke for him. I was scared. My mind felt numb. Overwhelmed. But not anger.
He explained his incident with his ATV that resulted in a leg injury. As he relayed what happened to me, I felt sick. He explained the way his leg below his knee twisted in an unreal way. And how he had to "pop" it back to the way God designed it. I knew it was bad.
We went to the ER Wednesday and another doctor Thursday. MRI is Monday and we won't know much more until Thursday. We are praying that he won't have to have serious knee surgery.
Now things are difficult. Not that I mind difficult. I enjoy a challenge. But now I am in a place where I feel like I can't take care of Ian nor Haley as well as I would like to. When I see Ian in pain, it hurts my heart. I wish I could take the pain away. Endure the pain on his behalf. He is such a trooper.
One thing has saved me for sure. A few days ago, we purchased a Moby wrap from a family on craigs list. It is the most amazing thing ever made for mothers. Especially neurotic mothers like myself. But it is fantastic, I can simply wrap Haley to myself (which always instantly calms her down and usually results in her taking a nap) and have both of my hands free to do whatever needs to be done. Without Ian's ability to help me out, having the extra hands have been not only nice but imperative.
Oh ya. And on top of everything going on, I believe Haley is going through a growth spurt. She looks different every day, but today...wow. She was wide awake all day, and I believe she would have latched on and ate the entire day if I had let her. Instead of feeding her every 3 hours, I was lucky to make it 2 hours before she was throwing a massive-feed-me-now-or-I'm-going-to-blow-out-your-eat-drums-type of fit. It was frustrating. It took me the entire day to get my short to-do list accomplished. At a point of desperation, I even breastfed her while I vacuumed. How you ask? My Moby of course. I think I can do an entire snuggie-level-of-corniness comerical about how fabulous my Moby is. Seriously.
I also did something today. I need to own up to it. Since she has been eating like a crazy woman today, I am starting to feel like I've been feeding a baby aligator instead of a baby. I needed a break. I'm sore and I am not even sure there is anything else left to offer her. And aside from my better judgement and what the breastfeeding expects said, I broke down and gave her one of the samples of formula I have given at the hospital. I have to laugh. My girl is a bit of a diva. Not sure where she got that. (HA!) But as soon as she got her first taste of formula, she looked at me like I had gone crazy and was feeding her cat shit. But since she was apparently starving to death, she proceeded to eat it anyway...screaming inbetween breaks just to remind me of how horrible of a mother I was for feeding it to her. She finished the entire bottle, and then stared me down in a look of contempt--proving that even my almost 1 month-old knows I'm a bad mom.
Well there you have it. One afternoon completely threw a wrench in the nice routine we had accomplished. Now I am learning how to juggle...everything...on my own. Parenting is.....flexibility.
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